Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wednesday March 14, 2012

I spent yesterday visiting my mom.  We had lunch - her choice - and she chose coconut shrimp at Joe's Crab Shack.  She's lost weight and a lot of her hair (from the Chemo).  She wanted to talk about the past and the future - she'd visited a funeral home and cemetary and was still trying to decide whether she wants to be cremated or buried.  It was very sad and difficult.

Her potassium level is very low and the doctor has given her medicine to try and raise it.  She gets bloodwork done on Thursday and if the potassium level is up, she's scheduled for surgery on Friday.  Apparently, her surgeon wasn't very optimistic.  If the cancerous tumor is still wrapped around her blood vessels, he won't be able to do the Whipple surgery, which would give her a fighting chance.  He'll close her up and basically told her she has a few months to live. 

My mother is, of course, struggling with this.  She's 76, still relatively young in the grand scheme of things.  It was a shock to her - no one in our family has ever dealt with Pancreatic Cancer. 

I'm struggling with this too.  It's frightening to think about losing my mom.  Also, having a terminally ill parent sort of makes one face their own mortality.  I have a book due in two weeks, a synopsis (unwritten!) due tomorrow, and a mother who is very, very ill. 

Despite my earlier post, I'm not sure what I'll do.  I'm going to consider getting a hotel room near the hospital (thanks Anna Adams for the idea!) and writing and visiting her from closer - that is probably the best option.

Right now I'm depressed and struggling. 

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