Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tuesday February 22, 2011

Good days and bad days.  It's weird how I often equate a good day with getting a lot of writing done.   I'm happiest when I get to be creative.   Put that with beautiful surroundings - either indoors or out - and I'm ecstatic. 

I'm also happy when I exercise.  Not just going to the gym, though I love my workouts with my personal trainer.  But walking the dogs, riding the new bike I got for Christmas, or just working out with free weights at home.  I feel better when I workout. 

I was actually thinking about how much of each day I spend doing things that I don't want to do.  I remember being a little kid who couldn't wait to be a grown-up so I wouldn't have to do anything that I didn't want to do.  Hah!  I don't understand though how life became a series of working at an unfulfilling day job and spending the rest of my time trying to rush around so I could get it all done. 

And now?  I am what I am.  In a few months I'll be hitting that big milestone of age - 50.  Gulp.  Yes, I guess you could say it's hitting me hard.  It's difficult.  I find myself looking in the mirror, eying wrinkles and creases that seemed to suddenly appear and contemplating expensive face creams and lasers and cosmetic surgery.  Odd for me, who always, always, always got taken to be much younger than my actual age.  Not so much anymore, I don't think. 

This is the serenity fountain I have at my day job desk.  I'm not sure why I'm posting a picture of it, but it seems fitting.  Serenity = certaintly = happiness. 

I know I've posted before about the giant leap of faith that I'm poised to take.  Quitting the day job and finally, finally, finally getting to do what I've wanted to do since 1988.  Yes, I wrote my first (unpublished) book back then and dreamt of writing full time.  That's 23 years of putting my dream on the back burner.  Over, this year.  I'm excited and scared and worried.  But I'm going to do it.  And I will make it work.

And finally, give myself a chance to live up to my full potential.  At 50.  Who knew.

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