Garbage

Today I got two emails about my October book Texas Secrets, Lovers' Lies.  Both came from an email address at earthlink.  Different email addresses, but the EXACT same email.  Different names signed the email - one was a Kathy, one a Paula.

It was the most hateful email I've ever received in 38 books.   Supposedly, this person spoke to the Editors at Harlequin and received an apology as my book is not up to the standards of the publisher.  She called my book garbage, my characters sex-starved (though she complained about my sex scene), and many other things.

I won't bother to rehash everything this person (Kathy, Paula, whoever) said.  All I can say is I'm super glad I'm not a beginner writer.  Otherwise, having received an email like this, I might never have written another book.

Oh.  My.  Goodness.  So much anger and hate.  Over a book.  A fictional book.

I'm dealing with my mother slowly dying.  In my volunteer job for Boxer Rescue, I see people dump off dogs they've had for 14 years just because the dog is old, or abuse puppies, or starve dogs.  I see all kinds of awfulness, and yes it does eat at my soul.

I needed this vile letter - twice - like I needed a hole in the head.

So today I'm going to put it aside and move forward, because that's all I can do.  I'm not going to respond, because I suspect people like that feed off generating drama.

On the plus side, I got a third email from someone else on my September book who loved it and called it a keeper.  I did reply to that, and thanked her.

Underwater

Well, on Friday the hospital transferred my mother to a nursing home.  Today I visited her.  It's pretty awful, as her physical condition is such that she can't even sit up on her own.  She can raise her arms, but that's about it.  She's just too weak to do much of anything else.  She has a huge hernia and is still on IV antibiotics.    Her mind is still sharp, and I think part of her knows she won't be going home to her house again.  We don't talk about it.  As in our entire relationship, a lot of it is surface only, never going too deep.

And my 82 year old father, who moved down here nearly two years ago and lives totally alone - no friends, no other family but me and my two brothers, is also dependent on me, and I just don't have anything left to give right now.  I can only do what I can do.

Meanwhile, I'm battling the feeling that I'm underwater.  Fighting to rise to the surface and catch my breath. It's hard to be creative - to write new synopsis's.  I can't even motivate myself to exercise - and until this last crisis, I was losing a steady pound a week by counting calories and walking 10,000 steps a day.  Not enough, I know, but something is better than nothing.  I'm down 9 pounds since I got back from the cruise.  

So I'm struggling with two synopsis's.  They should have been done by now - it was a week ago tomorrow that I turned the book in.  I feel lazy, unmotivated, and wish I could go on a shopping binge.  But I can't.  

Tomorrow is doctor and dentist, and then more struggling to finish these darn things.  I have to like them, since I will have to write whatever book they outline.  Sort of.  Sometimes, I veer from the synopsis.

Anyway, back to it.  Dog paddling.  

Another Day

So far, today has been a pretty darn good day.  I slept well last night - for the first time in awhile.  I got up, walked, had my coffee, and sat down in my office.

I checked my email, and then got to work on writing a synopsis or two.  I finally had an idea for the Nocturne one - I've long wanted to write about angels, and I had a character from the book I just turned in (The Wolf Siren) who wanted to be my heroine.  I happen to have an excellent resource book on angels, so I began leafing through it, and found my hero.  Nice.

Happily, I began writing their synopsis.  And after lunch, I got a germ of an idea for the Romantic Suspense, which will have to be the next book I write.  So I started that synopsis.

Great day so far.  I didn't go anywhere today.  Just piddled and worked.  Hung out with the dogs and my hubby.  I hoping to finish up at least one synopsis by tomorrow.  I'd like to get both of them to my agent as quickly as possible, so we can start working on a new contract.

Brain Dead (Me)

I'm brain dead.  Between the stress of what's been going on for the past week with my mother and turning in my book on time (and worrying that I missed something), my brain is fried.  I've been making the hour drive every other day to see her, and trying to keep life normal in between.  My foster dog Katniss is halfway through her Heartworm treatment, and that is a bit stressful too.

And I need to come up with two new synopsis's.  Pretty dang quickly.  So I can get a new contract with my publisher Harlequin.  I need on for Harlequin Romantic Suspense and one for Harlequin Nocturne.

Granted, I just turned in the book yesterday.  Granted, I haven't been sleeping well.  And yes, I drove to Dallas this morning, visited my Mom in the hospital, and drove back, all before lunch.  In between that, I've done several blogs to promote my September release.  Here's the latest one.  This blog is about THE LOST WOLF'S DESTINY & asks "What's your favorite redemption story?"  Check it out here:     Latest Blog

And I did one yesterday.  Yesterday's Blog

And I wrote yet another one, which will be out on September 13th at Harlequin Junky.  (No link yet.)

I'm tired.  Bone tired.  I think I just need to go read a really good book and try to refill the old creative well.

Or something.  Not sure what.  I really wish I could sleep.

Next

I turned in The Wolf Siren today.  In between dealing with my mother's illness, I wrote.    My editor, the wonderful Patience Bloom, mentioned in passing that writing might be my escape from the real world.  I'd never thought of it like that, but you know what?  It is.

Because the situation with my mother is so touch and go, because I don't know when that phone call will come, I knew if I was going to have a prayer of turning that book in on time and keeping my Feb 2014 slot, I'd have to totally immerse myself in it and just finish.  (Or, as is the joke between my husband and myself, as Ricky Bobby would say "Get `er done!")

So I went to the hospital for a visit on Friday and got up at 6 am on Saturday, and sat down and wrote.  And wrote.  And wrote.  I came up for a quick break to go get dog food and visit my friends at the Pet Fair for Legacy Boxer Rescue.  I came home and wrote more.  All day.  I wrote an amazing amount of words - for me.  Close to 5,000.  I cut around 1300.  The book came in at around 81,500 words - 364 pages.   And I'm happy with the story.

I finished up around 4:30 pm on Saturday, so Lonnie took me to dinner and then we got groceries.  Sunday, I read it over, made some changes and adjustments, and added more description to secondary characters - I tend to forget to do this sometimes.  Monday, I went back to the hospital to visit, came home, read some more, swam and cooked out, made some margaritas, and enjoyed the rest of Labor Day.

And here we are today.  I did a few final changes, and emailed the book to my editor, Patience Bloom.  She is the kindest person - she saw my post about my mother on Facebook and emailed me not to worry about the deadline.  That gesture meant so much to me - but this is my job and my livelihood, plus I'd already finished.  So I thanked her and let her know the book was done.

And it's sent.  I emailed it a few minutes ago.

Today I'll clean up my desk, as I always do after completing a project.  I need to get back to exercising - that fell by the wayside when my mom got taken to the hospital at midnight after a call to 911.  Though I have continued, by calorie counting, to lose my one pound per week.  Slow and steady, but eventually I'll be 20 pounds lighter. Which should help my cholesterol.  

This book The Wolf Siren is the final book of a six book contract.  Now I need to work up a couple of synopsis's and get with my agent.  It's time to see about a new contract.

Finally, I'll close with a note.  The Lost Wolf's Destiny is now out!

Buy it on Amazon HERE

Trying

Last night at 12:15 am, my nightstand telephone rang.  And rang, waking me from a sound sleep.  I answered, my chest tight with dread.  My mother has been fighting Pancreatic Cancer for nearly two years (she was diagnosed October 11, 2011)  She has survived a botched endoscope where they tore her small intestine, gallbladder removal and surgery to repair her intestine, two surgeries to insert stints to carry away waste, two rounds of chemotherapy, septic shock from which her survival chance was 20 percent, and has been under hospice care at home since early July.

Her significant other called me to tell me she'd called 911.  My mother was taken to the hospital.  I tried to go back to sleep as there was no way I could drive to east Dallas in the middle of the night - not only had I taken Melatonin, but my night time med also make me sleepy.  But I couldn't.  I was up until 3, when finally I was able to clear my head to sleep a little until I got up for good at 6.

I drove out there this morning.  She's in ICU, has a blood clot on her heart, and a tumor on her liver that has caused it to swell.  She has a fever and her organs have begun to shut down.  She can barely breathe, though she told me she has no pain.  She can't talk, and can barely keep her eyes open.  They kicked us out of ICU saying they had limited visiting hours and only two people were allowed at a time.  (My husband, me, her significant other, and my two brothers.) This was probably for the best as she needs to rest.

I fear her time has come.  After so much suffering, her battle-scarred body can finally rest.

I whispered in her ear that it would be okay to go home when she is ready.  She misunderstood and told me there was no way they'd let her go home now.  This broke my heart too.

I am trying to finish my book, and it is very difficult to concentrate.  I'm waiting - and dreading - the next phone call.

Manic Monday

It's the last week of working on The Wolf Siren.  The previous week, I knuckled down and wrote 10,758 words.   That's a lot for me.

I have to do less than that this week to make my word count, then I've got to go back and ramp up the descriptions.  And then - I can turn it in!

Last year at this time, I was working on The Millionaire Cowboy's Secret and the Friday before Labor Day was when I, having just gotten Dropbox, managed to over-write a file and went from "Yay, I'm finished. Gonna have a beer!"  To "Scream, curse, curse.  I can't believe this.  I just deleted the last two chapters!"

I'd scheduled a pool party and cookout at my house for the Sunday before Labor Day.  I cancelled that and spent the weekend rewriting the last two chapters from memory.  I'll never know if they were as good - or better - than the first two.

I do know one thing.  I will NEVER make that mistake again.

And once again, I've invited my brother and his wife over to swim and cook out.  Only this time, I'm positive I will be able to enjoy the day.